I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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