it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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