I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
