I wish I only lived at night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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