i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
