ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
