What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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