You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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