peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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