Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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