My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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