I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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