if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
