Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
