Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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