Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
