She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
