ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
