i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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