Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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