Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
