we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
