Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
