We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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