well I can't set my house on fire every night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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