I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
