A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
