I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
