just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
