Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
