Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
