she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
