WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
