Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
