Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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