Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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