apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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