goodnight i made you a song goodbye
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
