spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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