what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
