these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
