Non-Jews are for practice
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
