The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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