i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
