You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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