She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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