he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
