Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
