I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
