You're completely useless in the revolution.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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