I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
