Umm I'm too high to move.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my shit smells like andre
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
