I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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